


The Fears I Face

by TimelessTragedy



Series: Trust Issues [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders was Fear, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mistakes Are Made, Moral Ambiguity, Morally Questionable Choices, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Somewhat Manipulative Deceit Sanders?, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, post DWIT
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-07-25 13:16:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20026453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimelessTragedy/pseuds/TimelessTragedy
Summary: Admitting to his past should have been cathartic. It was anything but, and now he has to face the consequences of his actions, no matter how hard that may be.





	1. Many Years Ago

**Author's Note:**

> Massive, massive thanks to my beta reader, best friend, sounding board, all of the above for helping me get back in writing. This fic wouldn't be possible without Kenwave's support.
> 
> Thanks also to a friend without an account for beta reading.

The real world was scary. It was loud when it was supposed to be quiet, rumbles breaking the stillness. He was quaking under the covers, flinching back when light flashed across the room. 

It looked like the shadows were changing and moving, consuming more and more of his room as he twisted it in his own distress. He couldn’t stop the whimpers that left his lips unbidden. When he closed his eyes it was worse because then all he could do was wait for the next crash over the pounding of the rain.

He was choking on his own breath, his own sobs. 

Another roar from outside broke him. He scrambled up and out of his bed. He bolted past the writhing shadows, threw open the door, and out into the hall. Colliding with the opposite wall left a smear of black where he’d touched it, and it sent aches up and down his arms from catching himself poorly. 

But it didn’t slow him down as he raced down the hall. 

“Lu!” he cried shakily, his throat closing around his own voice. “ _ Lucius! _ ” 

By the time he reached the door, it was opening and all he had to do was fling himself into open, waiting arms. He buried his face into the blanket the other Side had wrapped himself in and let himself sob and shake in safety. 

“Virge, what happened?” the other Side asked, rubbing his back tenderly through his shirt to try to comfort the young boy. 

It made Virgil sniffle. “L-Loud…” 

He was gently guided inside, and he instantly felt the terror start to ease. Lucius’ room was always so comforting, especially after a nightmare. It had the comfiest white blankets piled on a soft bed, and his walls were covered in drawings. He could even see some of the ones he’d drawn for Lucius the last time he’d had a nightmare. 

But his favourite part was the string of lights he had along the top of the walls in the shape of colourful stars that kept the room from getting too dark. 

Unlike his own, with its permanent scary shadows. 

He shivered and swallowed as he felt the sting of tears come back. 

“W-were you asleep?” he asked quietly, and Lucius gave him a sad smile. 

“I was, but it’s okay, I want to make you feel better.” His honesty was soothing, and he let Lucius gently lift him up onto the bed. As soon as the other Side was sitting, he curled into his side. 

He didn’t mind the way Lucius kept the blanket between them or the way he made sure only to touch his shirt. Lucius’ white clothing was so pretty, he didn’t want to ruin it. 

The older Side started to hum gently, rocking them slightly. He snuggled in and stayed there until the tears stopped and for once he felt at peace. Lucius was good at making him feel okay. 

“Do you think the others might like me one day?” he asked sleepily, looking across at the wall where other Sides had come and put their own drawings up. He was drawn closer to the older Side for a moment. 

“I hope so,” Lucius answered honestly, and for a moment he felt the warmth of the boy’s cheek brushing his hair. He ducked his head to try to make sure they didn’t touch any more than that. 

“You like me…” 

“I do like you, Virge. But you should sleep.” 

His eyes were already trying to close. “Can I stay…? It’s quiet here…” 

Lucius gently made him lay down, and before he could get a word in, Virgil was asleep. 

~~~

Waking up in the morning was a much more pleasant experience. He was warm, and wrapped in soft blankets, and the room was nice and quiet so he took his time to start moving. When he opened his eyes, he was greeted by a sea of white. 

White that he was absolutely ruining. 

He rushed to his feet, trying to get out of the blankets without touching them more, all while staring at the black marks he’d smeared across the pristine surface. 

Terrified, tears were welling in his eyes and he felt panic tightening around his chest. 

“L-Lu?” he called weakly. 

Footsteps were coming down the hall, and he twisted to face the door. He couldn’t breathe, he was going to get in trouble for being with Lucius, he was going to get yelled at, or he was going to be banished to the Subconscious, he was-

He was fine. Lucius stepped in, a plate of food in his hand that was still steaming. 

“It’s okay, Virge,” the other boy said gently. “I went to get you breakfast.” 

“B-But I…” he trailed off as he looked back at the white bed with the black stains spread across the middle. 

“I can get Creativity to get me a new blanket,” he soothed gently. “I don’t mind.” 

A tear dripped down his cheek and he caught it so he wouldn’t spread any more black. “I-is it time to go back to my room?” 

Lucius looked sad as he nodded. “I’m sorry.” 

He sniffled, dropping his head and stepping out into the hall. Lucius followed him back to his room. 

His hand trembled as he reached for the handle, and only grabbed it when a hand was gently set on his shoulder. Reluctantly, he opened it and accepted the plate when it was offered to him. 

“I’ll visit you tonight, okay?” Lucius said. 

“Trust!” another voice, one that was chipper and bright, called from down the hall. 

Lucius glanced back down at him, giving him a small smile. “I have to go. I’ll see you tonight, Fear.” 

And Lucius left him alone in his dark room of shadows. 


	2. Fallout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks again to Kenwave for coming up with the name for Trust!

_ “Because I was one of them.”  _

The words stuck to Thomas like a slimy second skin, seeping into every pore even after the cameras stopped filming and his friends left for the night to get some much-deserved rest. They stuck to him as he got ready for bed, his overtaxed mind still trying to race even as his body forced him to give into sleep. 

How had he missed that Virgil was… one of  _ them?  _

Was there anything else that he should have realized? 

He tried not to think of the implications, but he could feel Anxiety still washing over him and his usual tricks for calming himself down weren’t working. 

Could he... trust Virgil to be honest with him?

He wasn’t sure.

~~~

Very rarely was he actually nervous to return to the mind palace. Usually, he’d be left to do as he pleased while the others did whatever they did to occupy themselves when they weren’t taking part in Thomas’ videos. He just wanted to go back to his room, to be alone. 

But of course, the others were waiting for him. 

They stood in a line, each of them watching him too closely, their concern barely disguised. He could barely look at them, his throat growing tight.

Patton was the first to speak, his thumbs hooked into his belt loops in a failed attempt to make himself look casual. “So… you told him, huh kiddo?” 

He stayed silent, weighed down by their gazes. He jammed his fists into the pockets of his hoodie, trying to resist the urge to simply run from the situation. 

“I told him.” 

“That… was very brave of you,” Roman said, his voice forcefully bright, his smile too wide. 

“Sure, I guess.” His bangs slid down into his eyes, and he picked at the inside of his pocket. 

“He did need to know eventually, and it was better for it to come from you than anyone else,” Logan added, and even  _ he _ sounded like he was trying to be gentle for once. 

It stung. 

“You can tell what he’s thinking,” he said before he could stop himself. “Are you sure it was a good idea for me to open my mouth?” 

He brushed past them, trying not to wince when they sharply backed away to avoid touching him. His shoulders pulled in as he walked. 

“Virgil,” Patton begged. 

Hand settling on the knob to his door, he hesitated, gritting his teeth. He could feel the eyes on him, could feel the panic welling in his chest. When he tried to open his mouth to respond, nothing came out. So instead he threw open the door and slammed it once he was safely inside. 

He slumped back against the door, burying his head in his hands as he fought back tears of frustration.

_ You shouldn’t have said anything, you’re just reminding them that you’re not like them. And what will Thomas think of you?  _

Nausea washed over him, and he dug his nails into his scalp, drawing in a shaky breath. Don’t listen, don’t think, don’t react, he told himself. 

Just beyond the door, the others were moving about and talking amongst themselves. He tried to focus on the sound of their voices instead of the toxic ones filling his head. He couldn’t make out the words, but he could imagine what they were saying. 

_ We need to protect Thomas from him.  _

_ He’s still one of  _ them.

_ We never should have trusted him. _

His expression twisted as tears started down his cheeks and rubbed at them viciously, his hands coming away black, smudged with more than the eye shadow beneath his eyes. Fear gripped his chest and he bolted for the mirror near his bed. 

His heart dropped.

Black tears were dripping from his eyes. 

He was getting worse. 

~~~

The slam of the door felt very final. It held them in place a moment longer than they were comfortable with, but no one wanted to be the first to move. It felt too much like admitting Virgil was out of reach. 

“Do… you think Thomas was ready to hear that?” Patton asked after a beat, his shoulders hunched. His words seemed to break the spell and Logan moved toward the couch. 

“As I said before, he did need to know and would have realized eventually. The others likely intended to force Virgil into admitting it under duress, or worse Thomas would have. It works out better for both parties to have Virgil tell him before it reached that point.” He sat down so he could see down the hall, his eyes locked on the anxious Side’s door even as he picked up a discarded book. “Now we simply need to deal with the consequences.” 

Roman stayed by Patton’s side, still staring at the closed door. “I… don’t want to admit it, but one of us should probably go in there and check on him. We don’t need him freaking Thomas out with more negative thinking.” 

“I highly doubt Virgil would appreciate that right now,” Logan countered immediately, flipping to the next page.

“But we should do  _ something _ to make him feel better, he’s one of us now. W-what if he starts to think we’ve made a mistake in letting him in? He’s going to make himself worry!” Patton wrung his hands nervously. He didn’t move toward the door. 

“Then you two can comfort him when he re-emerges. For now, if you force your way into his room, he will view it as an invasion of privacy. He may even assume it to be proof we don’t trust him, as incorrect as that may be.” 

“I just… don’t want him to hurt himself,” he protested weakly, but moved away at last to sink into the couch beside Logan. He took off his glasses to run a hand over his face. 

“We’ll be here when he decides he wants to speak with us.” 

Patton sighed, glancing toward the black door again before squaring his shoulders. “Hey, Roman, do you want to-?” 

Logan lifted his head.

Patton leaned forward, glancing around the room in confusion, worry pooling in his belly. “Where did Roman go?” 


	3. Defense

It was rare that he found himself walking down this hallway, and he was reminded why as cold started to soak through his clothing. The lights flickered weakly overhead, and for a moment, fizzled out entirely before coming back on even more dimly than before. Even the walls seemed to curl in on themselves, making his chest tighten. 

He kept walking, passing an open hole in the wall, trying not to look at the room beyond with its caved-in ceiling and decaying furniture where a Side had once lived. It left a sour taste in his mouth and he quickened his step, going past another few doors to stop at one painted a putrid green. Not even bothering to knock, he twisted the knob and threw it open. 

The room was such a close match to his own, and yet so far from it. Posters covered almost every inch of the walls, but almost every single one had been defaced in some childish way ranging from simple doodles of mustaches to more crude drawings of penises. A few new drawings were up of far more explicit content, and he felt his lip curling up in disgust. Clothes and papers littered every surface, almost burying the wide bed and the desk as well as the floor. 

“Remus,” he said, trying to force his voice nice and level. 

The other Side glanced over from where he was sitting by the large bay window despite the nothingness beyond the glass. The surprise was expected, as was the wicked grin curling to life at the sight of him. 

The Duke pushed himself up, his hands flying to rest on his hips. 

“Roman! Brother! What are  _ you  _ doing down here? I thought you said you didn’t like it in my room, something about it corrupting your ‘perfect vision’?” He punctuated it with a roll of his eyes and he made his way over, swinging his hips more than was necessary. 

Roman swallowed back his irritation. “I want to know what you’re trying to do with Thomas.” 

It made his brother’s grin grow sharper. “Whatever do you mean?” 

“I know you and Deceit are planning something,” he snapped, jerking back when Remus tried to drape an arm over his shoulder. “What are you trying to do by showing yourselves to him?” 

Remus barked a laugh, waving a hand at him and striding to his desk. He sat down on the top, ignoring the flurry of papers he sent to the ground as he shifted to lay on his stomach and propped his chin up on his hands. He waved his feet back and forth lazily. 

“ _ We  _ weren’t the first. Shouldn’t you be talking to the emo kid if you really wanted to get to the bottom of why we ‘Dark Sides’ are showing up now? After all, it was his idea!” he mocked, narrowing his eyes. “Or are you too scared of testing your own restraint?”

He scoffed. “Where’s Deceit?” 

It made Remus laugh. “Why would you come  _ here _ if you were looking for  _ him?  _ Come on, brother, you have to know better than that. His room’s just across the hall! Want me to take you to him?” 

“No,  _ no,  _ that’s not-” 

But it was too late, Remus was already at his side, ushering him across the hall without listening to his protests. The door was waved open, and he was shoved into the dark room so hard he stumbled. 

The only reason he didn’t fall was a gloved hand catching him by the arm. Colour rushed to his cheeks as his stomach squirmed in discomfort. He yanked his arm away and tried to step back but Remus kept him firmly trapped in the middle. 

_ I wonder if this is how Virgil usually feels _ . 

“Roman, what a delightful surprise, seeing you down here in our realm,” Deceit drawled, though he stepped back to give Roman a little more room to breathe. “The shadows suit you, brings out the white of your costume, you should spend more time down here with us. You’d be more than welcome.” 

He swallowed, trying to draw on his usual bravery. He pulled his shoulders up. “What are you doing to Thomas? I want the truth, Deceit, none of your unfounded lies.” 

“Is that why you’re here? I don’t think I’m the one that needs to be worried about lying,” he hummed, turning and walking toward his neat desk. He turned the chair toward the door to face the other two, sitting down and gesturing toward the bed. Remus didn’t hesitate to flop down onto it, dragging Roman with him. “Why don’t you tell  _ us _ the truth, Roman? Why are  _ you  _ here?” 

The words made his stomach twist anew, dread seeping into his chest. He shouldn’t have come here, definitely not alone. He wasn’t equipped to deal with Deceit, the others were better at this, they should have-

He jolted when Remus flicked his ear and he rushed to his feet, halfway dragging his sword from its sheath only for reality to catch up and he froze. The other two were staring at him. He swallowed. 

“I-I… I  _ am _ here to protect Thomas,” he managed to get out through his tight throat. He left his hand on the hilt of his sword. “You decided all of a sudden to start showing yourselves and you’re upsetting Thomas. What do you think this is going to get you, disrupting his life?” 

“We’ve always been here, Thomas was going to figure it out eventually. We just sped things up,” Remus responded immediately, shaking his head at him. 

“And you all helped him realize that there was more to him than just you three, why did you believe that wouldn’t have consequences, hm?” Deceit pressed, raising a hand to tap at his chin. “Or were you convinced that he would be satisfied with just you, Logan, and Patton? That he wouldn’t get curious and begin to explore the rest of his personality and happen across us himself?” 

Roman began to falter, tightening his grip on his sword. “Well…  _ no _ …” 

“Then you must have believed that we’d simply stay locked away down here, and not even Virgil would interfere in your perfect little world.” 

He shook his head. “I didn’t think that either, I just…” 

“Didn’t expect us to want our turn?” Remus asked curiously, leaning in far too close. “Staying down here’s not nearly as fun as playing with Thomas. In  _ whichever _ way he’d like to play, if you know what I mean.” 

Roman shot him a look of disgust before sucking in a breath. “As much as I want to keep Thomas from all of you, I didn’t think we’d manage to keep you at bay forever, I just…”

“Spit it out,” Deceit said firmly. “Though I do love waiting for you to get on with it.” 

“I don’t understand why you’re taking it out on Virgil,” he said through grit teeth, hands dropping to his sides and his shoulders slumping in defeat once the words left his lips. 

“And there we are, the truth of the matter,” Deceit mocked, leaning back in his chair. “This has nothing to do with Thomas, does it?” 

“Of course it has something to do with Thomas! We’re all his Sides, there’s… no way this wouldn’t involve him! R-right?” his lies died on his tongue as Deceit started to smile coldly at him.

It felt like the room was weighing him down, like somehow the air was heavier. It was definitely getting colder, and he could feel himself starting to shiver. His fingertips were getting numb, and his next breath came out visible. 

Deceit had a heater on his desk that was humming away and glowing hot, but it didn’t seem to reach even past the desk. 

“I’m absolutely sure it has everything to do with Thomas, Roman,” Deceit said patiently, still smiling at him as he rose to his feet and started to approach the creative Side. He fixed his yellow gloves, seeming to grow stronger with every lie Roman tried to force himself to believe, a glow building behind his reptilian eye. “This has nothing to do with the fact that Virgil was  _ ours _ and that fact hurts you. It has nothing to do with the fact Virgil  _ left us for you three. _ Get out of my room, Roman.” 

He hadn’t realized he was stepping back with every step Deceit took until suddenly he was falling through the open door. He landed hard on his back, shaking like a leaf and struggling to get his breath back as Deceit looked down at him for a moment before snapping the door shut. 

He scrambled back to his feet, taking off at a dead sprint for the stairs and taking them two at a time. His boot caught on the top step and he was sent sprawling again. He startled the others, making both Logan and Patton cry out. 

He heard them rushing to get to him as he pushed shaky limbs to try to get upright again, his heart caught in a vice grip. Gentle hands settled on both his arms and lifted him to his feet. They only let him go when he was seated safely on the couch. 

“Kiddo, what… what happened?” Patton asked him gently, settling beside him, taking his shaking hands into his own and holding tight. “Where did you go?” 

His eyes flicked toward the black door that hadn’t budged in the time he was away, swallowing dryly. “I… spoke with Deceit…” 

“What did he tell you?” Logan asked, retrieving a glass of water and offering it to him. 

He took it gratefully, sipping it slowly and trying to get his thoughts back in order. It felt like someone had shaken him, knocking every thought in his head loose so they were clattering against each other violently. He wasn’t sure anymore which way was up, or which thoughts were his own or one of the others’. His heart was still trying to skip beats. 

The only thing he could seem to get himself to focus on was the black door with stickers on the outside that he could remember Patton helping to pick. The name written on with steady hands that he had taken extra time when painting to make sure every letter was even and straight. The breathing exercises Logan had written up and taped to the door just below Roman’s work to help in times of stress. And the Side hidden behind it, far beyond their reach. 

His voice broke when he tried to speak. “Th-they’re going to turn Thomas against him.” 


	4. Offence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, long hours at work have been zapping my brain.

“Roman, are you absolutely positive that that’s what Deceit said?” Logan asked him firmly, kneeling to be at eye level with the shaken Side, a frown in place of his usual expression. 

“W-well,  _ no _ , not exactly…” he said hesitantly. He gripped his pant legs tight enough to turn his knuckles white. 

“What did he say?” Logan pressed. 

Patton flitted about nervously behind the logical Side, wringing his hands and giving Roman a heartbreaking look of concern over his glasses. 

Roman’s stomach twisted, and he was overcome with doubt. “I mean… he  _ was _ threatening Virgil.”    
  


“But did he describe what he intended to do to Virgil?” 

“I don’t think so, no-”

“Then you merely made an assumption that they were going to further involve Thomas with no proof of what that involvement may entail?” 

“I-I-” 

“ _ Logan _ ,” Patton cut in, stepping forward and setting a hand on the other Side’s shoulder. “Let’s give him a chance to speak. Kiddo, what happened?” 

He felt small under the weight of their stares, nothing like himself. 

“They said they want to get back at Virgil for leaving them,” he whispered. “They’ve set something in motion, and I’m not sure of what their plans are but we need to do  _ something _ before they hurt him.” 

Patton rushed to sit beside him, pulling his hand into his lap and squeezing it tight. “And we will! We’ll figure this out together, Roman, we’ll take care of our little shadowling.” 

“How are we going to do that if we have no idea what they’re going to do?” Roman cried. 

“By being vigilant,” Logan answered before he could work himself up further. “For the time being, we can focus on damage control by comforting Virgil as necessary, and informing Thomas of the situation if it becomes pressing. While I would prefer having us handle the situation without him, I doubt the other Sides will allow that to remain possible for very long.” 

“Thomas wants the best for Virgil, just like we do,” Patton said as he threw an arm around his friend’s shoulders. “We’ll get through this together, like a famILY.” 

They each froze when they heard the creak of a door. 

No one moved as Virgil stepped out, his head bowed and his hands stuffed into his pockets. He kept his gaze trained on the floor. 

After a moment, Patton cleared his throat. “Hey, kiddo.”

“‘Sup,” Virgil responded quietly, visibly attempting to make himself relax.

Logan got back to his feet and studied the anxious Side for a moment before turning for the kitchen. “I’m going to make tea.” 

He left without waiting for a response and it seemed to be enough to break the tension. Patton glanced between the others before speaking up. 

“Will you two be okay if I go give Logan a hand in the kitchen?” he asked. “I might even see if I can rustle us up some cookies!” 

“We’ll be fine, Padre,” Roman answered. He offered the fatherly Side a slightly forced smile before offering Virgil a hand, and that smile softened when it was taken. “We’ll be in my room when you and [witty nickname for Logan] are finished in the kitchen. Shall we, my [sappy nickname for Virgil]?”

While the nickname had Virgil grumbling, he let Roman guide him down the hall. After a moment, they heard Patton’s retreating footsteps.

Virgil felt his shoulder’s start to droop, even as he realized he still had the other Side’s hand. 

“So…” Roman started uncertainly. “Do you… want to talk about what happened?” 

“Not really.” 

He kept his gaze trained on the floor as they walked, the disappointment coming off his companion was a weight on his shoulders and he curled in on himself. He didn’t want to disappoint Roman but even the thought of trying to tell him about what happened after talking to Thomas made his throat close up. 

He was afraid of what the others might think if he told them the truth. Would they think he was dangerous? Would they try to lock him away? 

He was trying to be better but he was still… 

Afraid.

And that was it, wasn’t it? He was no better than he’d ever been, he was still-

“Virgil?” 

Roman’s voice had him snapping his head up, his eyes wide in panic. It took him far too long to realize they’d reached the gilded red door at the end of the hall and he was being watched with concern as he forgot how to breathe. 

His chest was so tight. 

“Virgil, take a deep breath,” Roman coaxed gently and he obeyed numbly. “Can I touch you?” 

He dragged his eyes back up to the prince’s face, taking in the warm expression the other wore before managing to nod. Roman moved slowly, bringing a hand up to gently cup his cheek. He couldn’t help but lean into it slightly. 

Roman’s palm was worn from wielding a sword, rougher than Virgil was expecting, but it was gentle against his cheek as the romantic Side brushed his hair out of his eyes. 

“You... do know that you belong with us, don’t you? That we want you with us? Patton wouldn’t be the same without you, and even Logan would feel your absence regardless if he may say he’s emotionless, and I…” he trailed off and shook his head, a smile coming to his lips but missing his eyes entirely. “We don’t want anything that snake and his pet may say to you to change that. Even Thomas sees you as one of us these days, that isn’t going to change.” 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Virgil said, reaching up to catch the prince’s hand. “I’m just… scared.” 

Roman frowned and opened his mouth to respond, but he cut him off by pushing open the door and stepping into the room. He went straight for the bed, climbing onto it and settling in the nest of soft red and white pillows. He picked up a white one that he held in his lap as Roman settled beside him. 

He shuffled over to lean against the other Side and took a breath to try to open himself even as his chest started to grow tight.

He picked at a loose thread nervously. “Do you remember Fear?”


	5. There Lived a Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning at the bottom if you need it!

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” he couldn’t help the way his voice wavered, even as he let Lucius guide him down the hall toward the living room. He glanced up at the older Side who gave him a warm smile. 

“They just need to get to know you better. And I’ll be there if you get scared,” he promised gently. 

He chewed his lip, dropping his gaze as they stepped out of the hall where the others were waiting. 

“Fear! Trust!” Heart called, and he bounded over. Lucius had to step away to catch the other Side when he jumped at him for a hug. Virgil flinched at having one of the others so close, so loud. “We were just about to go looking for you two!” 

“We just needed a minute to get ready,” Lucius assured him, smiling easily. He moved a hand back to Virgil’s shoulder gently, and he squeezed it. “Do you need any help?” 

“Learning and Creativity already did everything.” Heart’s warm eyes focused on Virgil, and he crouched to be closer to eye level. “It’s nice to see you, Fear.” 

It sent him flinching back into Lucius who wrapped an arm loosely around his shoulder comfortingly. “H-Heart…” 

“Aw, it’s okay, kiddo, we really are happy to see you!” But he caught the way Heart’s eyes flicked up to Lucius for reassurance. 

He swallowed back a whimper. This wasn’t a good idea…

“Do you want to go sit down?” Lucius asked gently, and he nodded. 

Really, all he wanted to do was go back to his room, but he kept that to himself. So he followed him to the couch and when Lucius took the corner he pressed in close after a blanket was wrapped around his shoulders. He clutched the soft fabric close to his chest. 

Lucius rubbed his shoulder gently for a moment until Heart settled beside them on Virgil’s other side. The other two came in from the kitchen, each with a bowl of popcorn that they set on the coffee table. 

“Trust, Fear,” Learning greeted. He observed them for long enough that it made Virgil curl his shoulders in further and duck his head. 

He didn’t feel like one of the others. He barely looked like he belonged, either. As he looked around, all of the Sides had the same brown eyes, though Learning’s were colder and Heart’s were more alive; and the same brown hair, though Creativity’s was wilder and Trust’s was impossibly neat. Virgil, on the hand was just… Fear. He didn’t match. 

The couch sagged sharply when Creativity threw himself onto it beside Heart and kicked his feet up onto the table so suddenly it rattled the bowls. It made Virgil jump, and the arm around his shoulders tightened soothingly. 

“Let’s get started!” Creativity said, leaning forward to grab the remote, only to pout when Learning beat him to it. 

Once Learning was settled in an armchair nearby, he turned on the television at a much more reasonable volume than Creativity ever would have set it to, and they settled in to watch the channel Thomas tuned into in real life. 

And for the first hour of the movie, everything was fine. He started to relax as they talked over each commercial break, Lucius’ comforting presence making it easier to stay calm. He found himself paying more attention to the others than the television as Creativity and Learning lightly bickered over a plot hole in the movie while Heart brought over a package of cookies he’d found in the cupboard. 

He felt more than heard Lucius laugh at something absurd Creativity said, when his attention was grabbed by creepy music started to pay as the commercial changed. His eyes started to widen as the shot changed to a young woman on a bed. 

He felt his skin start to crawl with unease, his breath catching in his closing throat.  _ Something scary’s about to happen _ …

He tried to speak up, but he was drowning in his own fear as the movie trailer proved him right.

The woman began thrashing and screaming. She floated up into the air, curling in on herself before the camera panned to show her covered in blood as Heart came over. 

“Fear? Are you-?” 

He jumped back, forgetting for a moment where he was. The blanket around him was suddenly suffocating and he threw it off as he tried to scramble back away from the other Sides. 

His eyes were glued to the screen as the woman crawled across the ceiling. 

There was a yelp, and in his panic, he had trouble placing the sound. His hand curled around something soft and warm, and suddenly he was on the ground on his stomach it was far, far too quiet. 

He turned onto his back, freezing when he locked eyes with Learning and Creativity who were staring at him in abject horror, both of the Sides tense and on their feet.

“T-Trust?” Heart asked in a quiet voice. 

Virgil suddenly had a rock of dread in his stomach as he forced himself to look. 

Heart was on his feet too, hands outstretched toward Lucius but not touching the other Side. 

Lucius’ arm was smeared black just above the elbow and he was clutching at it like it burned. His face was frozen in terror, his breath coming in shallow, shuddering gasps, and he was starting to shiver. 

Virgil couldn’t tear his eyes away from the black. He’d touched Lucius’ bare arm. He’d touched  _ skin.  _

The others were going to lock him away for this. 

“L-Lu…” he whimpered, and those scared brown eyes snapped to his and it froze him cold. 

Lucius, the very embodiment of Trust, was scared of him. 

He pushed himself up to his feet, numbly aware of the others taking a step back. But Lucius didn’t. Lucius kept staring at him like he was some kind of monster and it made him back up. 

“F-Fear,” Lucius tried. His voice was thick. 

It made Virgil flinch. A second later, and he was bolting back down the hall. 

His eyes stung. His chest ached. 

He heard someone call his name, and footsteps coming after him, but he reached his room first. He slammed it shut behind himself, leaning back against it and letting himself sob. 

There was a quiet knock. “V-Virgil, let me in…” 

Lucius. He couldn’t. He buried his face in his arms. He didn’t trust his voice, there was no way it wouldn’t shake. 

“I still t-trust you, I know it was an accident,” Lucius said when it was clear he wouldn’t answer. 

He dug his fingers into his arms. He wanted Lucius to leave. 

“I still love you…” 

And eventually, he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: a horror movie trailer is described in some detail, starting when Virgil says "Something scary's about to happen..." and ending with "There was a yelp.."


End file.
